The first thing you notice when the creatures leave is the quiet.
At the moment we’re on a 2-2-3 schedule. For those new to the divorce game, all that means is that I have the kids 2 days on, 2 days off and every other weekend. There’s a lot of back and forth between the houses for them and their favourite stuff, but after a few years of it we’ve all kind of accepted it as our normal.
When they are at my place it’s an all in endeavour. They show up like little tornadoes, backpacks get tossed in front the door as they enter, shoes and toys everywhere end up everywhere. The first 20 minutes is always chaos. We all end up talking over each other as every one is trying to tell their stories of the last two days all at once. The fridge gets raided for their favourite drinks and then they hunt down their favourite toys. One of the biggest things that happens I think is that my kitchen springs to life. I’ve always been a cook (or at least someone who makes food in the kitchen), but I have to tell you the kitchen goes into over drive when they’re back at my place. It’s really important for me that they eat home made food at my house and so I do my best to make sure every meal they have something that’s been home cooked. So within about an hour of everyone falling back into a family routine, dinner is on the stove and usually cookies are getting baked – their favourite is my “fake grandmother’s oatmeal chocolate chip cookies”. The fake grandmother and how the recipie came about is a story for another time. All of that on top of practicing piano, soccer practices, reading, homework anything else we manage to come up with to squeeze in before the day is out. At the end of the day after my son gets his lullaby and my daughter her story of the night, I won’t lie I’m exhausted. It’s a lot to fit in all at once but when I started this part of the journey I was determined to make the most of the time I had.
Then they leave and everything just goes quiet. I think when I drop them off to school there’s initially a sense of relief from surviving the two days going full blast. But the first thing I notice when I get home is the silence. It’s almost as if the life and the energy of the house has been pulled away and all that’s left is a shell. When all of this first started those two days weren’t easy, I would end up just cleaning the house and picking up their toys and then as the days wore on your focus changed to getting ready for their return. My former partner is very strict about my interactions with the kids when they’re with her so I don’t have much contact with them when they’re away. It’s a cycle of all or nothing. It’s still not easy, especially in that initial silence, but I think I’m just better now at managing the time, I’m a big believer in making the best of your situation so I’ve tried to replace that silence with a different kind of noise, the noise of being with my partner, the noise of hobbies like piano and the endless home improvements and now my newest adventure a garden. All that doesn’t mean I still don’t count down to their return but it does mean I get to live a full life as opposed to just half of one and that’s important too.
They’ll be here soon, the house is clean and is ready and the groceries are bought. It’s a beautiful summer night and the plan is to have a BBQ on the back porch with the kids and at least for a few days we’ll have a noisy house.