Christmas isn’t an easy time of year. There’s no way around it. The creatures have fun—they essentially get two Christmases—but I’m sure being pulled between two houses isn’t easy. And as a parent, it means I miss half their Christmas mornings, which is a big thing for me. As part of our parenting plan, we don’t split the day. You either get the full day with them, or you get a phone call.
The first time I didn’t have them for Christmas was rough. But over the years, I’ve found ways to get through the season so it’s enjoyable for me and seamless for the creatures.
Traditions: It’s All About Traditions
If you’ve been here before, you know I’m all about family traditions—the ones kids love when they’re little, roll their eyes at when they’re teenagers, and reminisce about when they’re adults. Every Christmas, we do the same set of things to kick off the season at my house. It’s been such a success that the kids now look forward to it.
Here’s how we start the season and get ready for some overprogramming:
1. The Christmas Tree
We put up the tree on the last weekend of November or the first weekend of December, depending on the schedule. It’s the same tree I bought when we first separated. It’s not huge—it was all I could afford at the time—but I keep it for nostalgia’s sake.
2. Santa Letters & Christmas Cards
Yes, we are one of those households that still does Christmas cards. We sit on the floor with the fireplace on, hot chocolate ready, and assemble cards together. I address them, and we all sign our names. I also help with Santa letters—though this year was bittersweet because my son wrote his all by himself.
3. Santa Photos
I’m not one for big crowds, but I am one for Santa pictures. On some random weekday when they’re with me, we go get our Santa photos. We still talk about the first year we did them—during COVID, when Santa sat behind a plexiglass wall.
4. The Christmas Market
The weekend before Christmas, we visit the big Christmas market in town. We go at night, which adds a little magic. We take photos by the big tree, get maple syrup on a stick (they’re not fans but still believe they might be), and buy a present for their mother.
5. Christmas Movie Night
We’ve cycled through a lot of movies trying to find “our” Christmas movie. Now we’re down to two finalists: The Christmas Chronicles starring Kurt Russell, and Home Alone.
Christmas Morning
Having the kids only every other Christmas morning takes some getting used to. My only contact with them on the years I don’t have them is usually a phone call.
When they are with me, we do a big family celebration—board games, lots of food, sometimes singing. We read a Christmas story before bed and then have the big Santa morning. It’s great.
When they’re not with me, we just do Christmas morning on a different day (minus the Santa visit). They go to bed just as excited the night before, and honestly, they’re just as excited the next morning. Years from now, it won’t matter that it happened on December 23rd instead of December 25th. The photos look the same. The joy is the same.
New Year’s
New Year’s Eve has taken on new meaning since the divorce. On the years I do have the kids, we spend it together at my brother’s place—lots of kids, video games, staying up for the countdown. They love it and are sad to miss it on the years they’re not with me.
And on the years I don’t have them, I get to do my own thing and be part of a more adult celebration. There’s something freeing about that too.
At the End of the Day
It’s less about the date on the calendar, the presents, or the divorce. It’s about the memories we’re building—memories they’ll carry into adulthood. The goal isn’t to recreate a “perfect” Christmas. It’s to create a childhood they’ll look back on fondly, no matter what shape their family took.