This is a story about accepting the new normal—and not looking back.
I was the one who dropped my son off for his first day of school. He started kindergarten during COVID, and his small country school had created an elaborate system to keep the younger kids separated from the rest of the population. What I remember most about that morning was the look of panic in his eyes when the teachers took him from the car. He cried as they led him to his class, glancing back at me again and again. But we both knew there was no turning back. Like most kids, it was the unfamiliar that scared him. And once the unfamiliar became routine, he stopped looking back.
My daughter started school about two years later, and a lot had changed. We were divorced, and now lawyers were involved in deciding who could be where and when. I was there with her on her first day, but I was only allowed to wish her good luck before she was led away by her mother.
Over the last few years, there have been nearly ten first days—and most of them fall when the kids are with their mom. I’ve tried different ways to be involved, but it’s awkward and uncomfortable for both me and the kids. Their mom clearly doesn’t want me there and prefers I be as uninvolved as possible, so my interaction is limited to the minimum allowed by the separation agreement.
Navigating this as a divorced parent in a high-conflict situation isn’t easy—especially for young kids who end up compartmentalizing their lives. But this isn’t about looking back. It’s the first day of school, and the kids are going to be excited and terrified all at once. This is about embracing the new normal. So, with that in mind, here’s some unwarranted advice for surviving the first day.
1. Capture the Moment—Your Way
Now that the creatures are first-day pros, we’re at the stage where we annoy everyone on Facebook with chalkboard signs that say “First Day of Grade…” and suspiciously happy pictures. In my situation, I don’t get to do this in the morning, so I just do it after school. Honestly, it doesn’t make much of a difference to the kids, and I still get something for the album—without the awkwardness. Plus you can always have a fun sign that says, “I survived my first day of Grade…”
2. Avoid Confrontation
Don’t like your ex-partner on a personal level? Join the club. The hard truth is: you’ve got to get over it. Co-parenting is about navigating the new normal in a way that doesn’t take away from your children’s childhood. It means biting your tongue and choosing your battles. Making an already awkward situation more awkward only impacts the kids. Trust me—it’s not worth it. They’ll appreciate that you took the time to see them off, even if it’s just a “Good luck and have a great day,” far more than they’ll remember the time you made it all about you and your ex.
3. Maximize the Time Before the First Day
For the creatures, the first day is full of anxious excitement. “Will my friends be in the same class?” “Will I get the mean teacher?” “Why do I need a geometry set? That’s so grown-up.” “Am I old enough to get a phone?” (Still no, by the way.)
There’s a lot going on in their little minds. I go out of my way to be present in the lead-up to the big day. I used to think it was about buying school supplies and checking off lists, but I’ve come to realize it’s more about maximizing the summer and your time with them. The best way to prepare anxious minds for the first day is to make sure they’ve had a great summer.
4. Maximize the Time After the First Day
Didn’t get to experience the first day with them? It’s not the end of the world. There’s a whole school year ahead, and the first day is just one—likely not even the most memorable. When I see them after school, the first thing I do is take them out for ice cream. It’s become a tradition: a chance for them to tell me everything that happened. After that, get involved in their school. Join the school council. Volunteer. That’s the kind of thing kids really enjoy—and it makes a difference.
The first day of school is a mix of excitement and nerves for grade-school kids. It’s the start of a new chapter, and it never looks the same from year to year. In the end, it’s about helping them navigate the new normal—and doing everything you can to make sure they don’t lose anything along the way.
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