When I realized I’d forgotten to bring diapers, the first thought that crossed my mind was: This is a sign I’m not ready to be on my own with the kids.
It was my first night solo with them. We were in our room at the Ramada Inn on Riverside Drive in Ottawa, smack in the middle of my separation. The moment I opened that bag and saw the missing diapers, the fear hit me like a ton of bricks. In retrospect, it was an empty fear—one every parent in my situation probably experiences—but it hung over me like a storm cloud.
My partner and I separated during COVID, and for about two years I essentially took care of the kids full-time while working a full-time job (yes, I was that parent with crying babies during staff meetings). I’d taken them on seven-hour drives to visit grandparents more than once, and navigated big cities like Toronto in the middle of summer. But I’d never spent a night alone with a toddler and a five-year-old. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Going into the weekend, I lied to the kids. I told them we were going to a museum in Montreal and staying in a hotel with a nice pool. In reality, we were headed for a long drive and then a visit to the Museum of Nature in Ottawa, followed by a night at a hotel—conveniently located in a part of town they’d never seen before. It was safe, and if things really fell apart, it was an easy drive back home (ex-wife waiting to judge, et al).
So how did it go?
The museum—full of dinosaurs and a gigantic whale skeleton—was easy. We’d done museums before, so it was nothing out of the ordinary. The kids had an amazing time. Then we went to the hotel. It wasn’t exactly luxury, but it was nice, there was a pool, and the kids were thrilled to be spending the night somewhere new.
Then came the hiccup of the night: I didn’t have any diapers for my daughter. I forgot the diapers. I’ll admit it—I panicked a little. We ended up driving halfway across town to find a Shoppers Drug Mart. It never occurred to me to check Google Maps. I genuinely considered heading straight home, tail between my legs.
But after our diaper run, we returned to the hotel. My heart rate settled. We hit the pool. We ate pizza for dinner. We watched movies on the bed. In the end, it was everything you’d want from a road trip to “Montreal.”
For a long time, every time I drove past that hotel, I remembered the worry and fear I felt going into that weekend. But now, with time and perspective, I think about it differently. I think that was the first weekend I truly enjoyed being a parent—without having to think about parenting.
On a side note: I never forgot diapers again. And to this day, every time my son sees the Museum of Nature and Science, he asks, “Isn’t that just like the one in Montreal?”
If you missed last week’s post – a quick road trip to London Ontario – check it out here: https://dadandhistwocreatures.com/thirty-six-hours-in-london-ontario/